Penultimate challenge

May 23, 2026May 29, 2026 Amy OLeave a comment

The club had been so happy with how things went before the Atletico Madrid match a few weeks ago they suggested for the Burnley match that fans “Greet the coach.” When I first saw the announcement from the club I thought it was some event where you get to see Mikel Arteta. But then I rewound in my head what happened before the Atletico Madrid match. They asked the fans to be in the road outside the stadium to welcome the team bus. Bus = coach.

It was quite early, though. They suggested arriving for the event at 5:45 p.m. and then the bus–er, coach–would come through at around 6:15. But the match would not start until 8, a long time to be at the stadium.

I decided I would go. Being all riled up before you enter the stadium seemed like a good plan for all concerned. I did take the precaution of acquiring a sandwich and some chips from Pret a Manger to eat before going into the stadium. The stadium grounds seemed kind of empty as I stepped out of the Arsenal station. I had expected a lot more people. But then I got to the west end of the stadium. It was packed. And the road beneath it was jammed with thousands of people. I waded in and joined the chanting. The fans went through all the player chants they could think of and then the general chants. Suddenly, people began lighting red flares and red smoke was everywhere. It had a pretty overwhelming smell but I found as a short person I could keep my nose mostly under it. And then, there it was, looming through the red smoke like a giant whale in bloody water. The coach carrying the players. Just as quickly, it was gone.

The fans gathered there hung out for quite a while. While I was waiting for the coach I had spotted the famous tunnel where an artist known as “Northbanksy” has placed graffiti art focused on Arsenal players. As many times as I’ve been to the Emirates, I never knew where it was. I wandered over and took some photos and then went back through the grounds and sought out a picnic spot. There is a lot of seating near the Tony Adams statue but I decided that the area near the Arsene Wenger statue would probably be a bit less populated. I would have one peaceful moment before entering the stadium.

As I walked over, I did notice a large group congregating by the statue. But I was right. On the benches facing the statue there was only one other guy. Like me, he had a Pret a Manger bag. We raised our bags toward each other in salute. And in front of the Wenger statue was an enormous group of delighted Asian Arsenal fans. They took dozens of pictures of their group in various poses in front of the statue. After enjoying his dinner, my picnic companion leaned in toward my ear as he left the scene. “They must have paid a fortune for tickets!”

Having eaten my sandwich I walked all the way around to the other side of the stadium and entered, made my way up to the concourse outside my section in the Clock end. There was so much time, I invested in a Guinness and watched the pregame analysis on Sky Sports as well as you can with no sound on the television. By then the starting lineup had been announced and it was a nice-looking one with Martin Odegaard and Eberechi Eze both starting in midfield and Kai Havertz at striker. Most else exactly as the game at West Ham, which started pretty similar to Fulham and Atletico Madrid. Big exception being no Ben White, who was seriously injured in the West Ham match. He won’t be back this season and was replaced in this match with Cristhian Mosquera. And of course with Odegaard in the lineup, Myles Lewis-Skelly was listed as a substitute.

Since I last wrote about Arsenal’s standings in the league, not much had changed except for after the win by Arsenal at West Ham, Man City had a match at home against Crystal Palace, which they won handily, 3-0. Which means no matter what happened in Monday’s match against Burnley, Arsenal could not win the league on Monday. And, if Arsenal did win the match, the title race was going to go into the last week, probably even into the last game. Man City had won the FA Cup on the prior Saturday against Chelsea. To be honest, they didn’t look like much but they had enough in the tank to win by scoring once, late in the match. Their next Premier League match would be Tuesday against Bournemouth. And then both Arsenal and Man City would have matches on the last day of the season, Sunday.

And if Arsenal did not win against Burnley? Well, technically all would not be lost but we’d be out of the driver’s seat. We’d have to hope for a lot of bad stuff to happen to Man City. A club for which not much bad stuff usually happens.

Burnley has a player formerly with Man City, Kyle Walker. I saw reports in Social media that Kyle Walker had promised Burnley would take something off Arsenal. Given the state of social media, I don’t know if that comment actually was made. I also saw that Man City’s coach, Pep Guardiola, had said he has “no doubts” that Burley could produce something. However, you ask yourself, if Burnley could win at will, why they didn’t win enough games to stay in the Premier League? Their relegation has been certain since April 22. And who did they lose to that day? Man City beat them 1-0 at Burnley. Still, in their most recent match, they did manage a draw at Aston Villa, often a tough place to visit. And even though as a team they have very little reason to dedicate themselves to a win, the players have individual reasons to impress. When they go down to the Championship, Burnley might need to lighten their salary load so some players may find themselves sold back into the Premier League. Scoring a goal against Arsenal might give a Premier League team reason to consider your plight.

I made way to my seat where exactly one other person was already sitting in the row and it happened to be right next to my seat. We chatted a little bit about the seats (his was a season ticket), kids, jobs and, naturally, Donald Trump, as the section started to fill up. He told me my seat was owned by a guy who moved out of London and, yes, the change in match date and time had been what contributed to him selling on the exchange. The fan to my left also had bought his seat from a season ticket holder and was as delighted as can be to be there. He introduced himself to everyone around him and received a warm welcome. Speaking of warm, because it was a night game, there were cannons all along the East side of the stadium shooting flames into the air. We were far from the cannons but the warmth in the air when they shot into the sky was unbelievable. The people on the East side of the stadium must have been cooking.

Like every team, Burnley probably has three kits. The one they chose for this match, light blue and and lighter blue stripe, had an effect from distance similar to Man City’s home kit. It did make me feel uneasy.

The stadium was loud loud loud. North London Forever was about as intense as I’ve ever heard it and the chants were nearly nonstop. Because I was in the Clock End, Arsenal were driving toward the goal in front of me for the first half. Burnley started strongly and a bit worryingly, but Arsenal regained control. As expected, Burnley kept many players behind the ball at all times and breaking through was challenging. Working in such close quarters, Burnley would get the ball and lose it to pressure, followed by Arsenal getting the ball and losing it to pressure. There was a lot of time wasting, particularly by Burnley’s goalkeeper. Kyle Walker was booed every time he touched the ball.

Arsenal were able to get several shots off. One, by Saka, was deflected out for a corner kick. Saka took the kick and went short. Even though Arsenal fans seem to hate short corners, no one near me complained. There was a near-glorious moment a bit later when Leo Trossard took a thundering shot that hit the goal post farther from us. The ball rebounded to a place the nearest Arsenal player was unable to get to it. Not too long after that, Burnley managed a scary counterattack that ended with a misfired shot. Phew.

A bit later Saka drove into the box and as he went to kick the ball it looked like he was fouled. Never before in that stadium have I heard such sustained boos for the referee when he waved it away. The subsequent VAR check agreed with the referee. We didn’t like it. I’ve seen that one on TV after the match and still think it’s a foul on Saka. The defender only gets to the ball because he’s hooked Saka’s foot. I’m just glad Saka was not badly injured. That was one of those awkward moments where something bad can happen.

After some sweet team play ended with a shot by Odegaard being deflected, Arsenal were given another corner kick. Saka took the kick again, across the goal into a place that I think many goal keepers would be able to get to. Kai Havertz jumped into a cloud of blue shirts and had no problem hitting the target using his head. We went crazy as he ran in front of us to celebrate in the corner. A trademark set piece goal for this crazy season. A lot of hugs and high-fives in our section.

Saka had one more shot before halftime that wasn’t far from the goal, but a miss is a miss.1-0 as the stadium emptied out for beer and a bathroom break.

At this point, many teams might open up in quest of an answering goal, but it seemed Burnley were determined to limit the damage. They deployed roughly the same strategy in the second half as the first. It was frustrating for sure. There were a couple good Arsenal attempts on goal that ended with missed shots by Eze. There was at least one attack by Burnley into our end that resulted in an errant shot well above the goal. The most worrying event involved an incident with Kai Havertz. It occurred far from where I was and I did not have a good look at it. Havertz apparently fouled a Burnley player and received a yellow card for his troubles. But the incident went to a long VAR review to determine if it shouldn’t really be a red card. We would have played 25+ minutes with 10 men if VAR intervened.

VAR’s determination was that the yellow card was good enough. Gyokeres had been warming up on the sidelines before this was happening so perhaps the subsequent substitution Mikel Arteta made did not 100% reflect a decision to not take any chances with Havertz on a yellow that referees might be inclined to take make-up action on later. Whatever his reasoning, Havertz was removed for Gyokeres shortly thereafter in a three-sub replacement that also saw Myles Lewis-Skelly replace Eze and Hincapie replace Califiori.

At this point, the crowd was trying hard to stay behind the team but it had been painful. Not much good had happened. Not much bad either, but that’s besides the point. We were hanging onto a one-goal lead. Logically, Burnley had done very little to trouble us, but it only takes a moment. And we had taken a number of shots that for one reason or another failed to hit the target. Fouls were flying fast and furious. I was almost more worried someone would get injured. We need everyone to stay healthy.

That’s a lie I’ve told myself. The thing that had me more worried than anything was, without a doubt, that they might score.

The fourth official announced 7 minutes of added time we had to get through. Then David Raya was fouled badly and fell awkwardly right in front of us. He looked to be in a lot of pain but eventually was able to continue. And again, yes, I’m worried about injuries. Briefly. There were more Arsenal subs. And now, with the pause in play for David Raya’s injury and the subs, no one in the stadium knew how long we had to hang on for.

I’m dying.

After a long lifetime, the whistle blew. We had won. 1-0. I was shaking, more than I’ve ever experienced. And I’ve felt shaken at the end of a match many times this season.

And then, because it was the last home match of the season, even though it was late “on a school night,” most people in the stadium stayed in place to hear speeches by Martin Odegaard and Mikel Arteta and celebrate the players as they walked around the pitch to cheer and be cheered. When Mikel Arteta stepped to the microphone the stadium broke out in the must uproarious version of “We’ve got Super Mik Arteta” I’ve ever heard. It was repeated again and again, each time louder than the last.

He might never have gotten to speak, but he broke in. He sounded close to tears as he thanked everyone in the club and the fans for their support. He reminded us we have one more match in the Premier League to go after.

We would have to live in this uncertain world for one more week. After which we would know if we have what it takes to bring this title over the line.

Did I feel confident? I’m an Arsenal fan. We have been through so much. 22 years since we last took the title. I’ve been a fan for more than 15 of those years. Too much could happen. Has happened.

So, while I felt hopeful and I thought these players, this manager, could do it, “confident” was a bridge too far.

Adrenaline junkie makes a decision

May 21, 2026May 22, 2026 Amy OLeave a comment

Not long before I retired, I was working with my tech counterpart on a thorny problem in our financial planning software that we needed to solve quickly. I had been working from home since the pandemic, and while we were working through the problem, happened to run into my husband on a trip to the kitchen to get more coffee. “Why did I get into this profession?” I asked rhetorically. My husband scoffed, “Because you’re an adrenaline junkie.”

My life post-retirement involves very little adrenaline. I work occasionally in a food pantry, menial tasks like making sure shopping carts are returned from the parking lot to the pantry or breaking up boxes or packaging diapers. I take fitness classes. I work in my garden, where I am currently establishing the hardscape for what I am calling my “secret” garden. I listen to a lot of podcasts. I read.

Frankly, only my life around Arsenal involves regular adrenaline. Watching games, I’m almost always in a state of anxiety. Maybe more this season than in other seasons, because the stakes are so high and the games have been so tight. So many games decided by only a goal. A few games lost because we let a late goal in.

In a year in which we are so close to winning the Premier League and the Champions League, imagining the good things that could happen–or the bad things–have actually made me lose sleep. It’s an admittedly stupid reason to lose sleep, but explain that to my wide-awake self in the middle of the night. It will fall on ears that can’t begin to care what you have to say about it.

My available time has caused me to build more of my habits around matches. Podcasts come out before the match, to anticipate what may happen, and come out after the match, to revisit what happened and why. So in a normal week this season, there has been a match over the weekend and a match during the week. That is a minimum of two matches and four podcasts. Plus I almost always watch more than just our match in a given week. Usually, much much more. Sometimes with high stakes for Arsenal and some not. And every day I take in news–from the club, from news sources covering football, and from blogs. Way too much from social media. I’ve learned that there are some sources that are actively bad for me and I’ve tried to cut them out or at least minimize their presence in my life, especially at a sensitive time. After a bad loss, for example, I will lean on sources that are more thoughtful and steer clear of click-bait and hot takes. But then I’m left to my own brain, which is its own fun house of histrionics.

One of the reasons I love watching matches live at the Emirates is there is counterpoint action to my anxiety. Something about shouting or singing together with others can be a bit of a change of subject as the action is unfolding before you. If I’m singing that Gabriel is the king of Brazil because of something awesome he just did, I might feel less inclined to have a fit over someone’s subsequent misplaced pass. Or I might have a defensive or protective reaction if the crowd starts to show its frustration over something that happened on field. I love this team so much; how can anyone be mean to them?

And so many things happen in a group that big that bring a smile to your face or are especially touching, like when the Arsenal fans sang to Smith-Rowe when he was injured in the Fulham match or when everyone sings North London Forever at the beginning of the match. And when things have gone well, there is nothing better than sharing that moment with a giant crowd. We overcame something together and now we’re on an adrenaline high together.

I enjoy watching football on my couch in the Chicago suburbs, or I wouldn’t do so much of it, but it’s not the same as being in the stadium.

Ever since I was able to first attend a number of matches during the 2015-2016 season, it’s been my goal to try to be at the last home match of each season. That’s because I’m always sure this is the year we’ll get the Premier League trophy and it will be bestowed upon us on that day. Because my original access to tickets involved a share of season tickets, I would make a request at the beginning of the season to have that last match. Usually, no one competed with me for that date. That was in the days where I guess no one except me thought winning the Premier League was going to happen. That got harder after I successfully got the tickets for the last home match in 2023 and Arsenal really did come close to winning it for the first time in a long time. They just kind of ran out of gas at the end and Man City won.

After that year, the demand for tickets increased a lot and for whatever reason there wasn’t room for me in the group that shared the season tickets anymore.

That’s when my husband and I joined Arsenal as “Red” members so we could participate in the ballot and, failing that, in the Arsenal ticket exchange. It’s worked out pretty well for us. We normally ballot for every match unless we know for sure the timing won’t work. When we’ve really wanted to attend but didn’t succeed in the ballot, we’ve almost always been able to get tickets on the exchange, but it requires a lot of work and repetitive clicking. And you can’t ballot until very close to the match, usually less than a month out with results being shared several weeks out. Then you have to be able to set up flights on short notice, which sometimes means big expense. We’ve mostly gotten lucky on that, too.

Always if we’ve failed to get tickets, we’ve failed to get tickets for both of us. Usually, that failure has come for the most important matches. Matches in the quarter- or semi-finals of the Champions League, for example. Last matches of the season when the title is on the line. For example, the last match of the season in 2024, when Arsenal might have won the league if only Man City lost that day. (We could not get the tickets, but Man City also did not lose in the end.)

Arsenal’s last home game this season was to be against Burnley, a team that appeared to be headed toward relegation at the time the ballot was made available for application. But Arsenal were doing well and the ballot was especially popular. We learned we were not successful in the ballot on March 31. For about a month I tried to get tickets on the exchange with no success and really very little selling activity visible. Then Sky Sports, the broadcasting company that gets to control the world, decided to move the Burnley match from a Sunday afternoon to a Monday night. Terrible for the fans who had tickets and made travel plans, etc. And not a great time for a match.

But for us, that created opportunity since it meant the new game time might not work out for everyone who had a ticket and maybe there would be some action on the exchange.

Now that I’ve explained this, I think you might see that dealing with the exchange is a different, sick source of adrenaline in my life. I was listening to an episode about gambling on the podcast This American Life a few weeks ago and one of the things they mentioned is that a gambler who is not addicted to gambling will process a near-miss while gambling, correctly, as a loss. But a person who is addicted will process that near-miss as a win and double down. That’s how I am on the exchange. If I see a ticket for sale and I’m not successful in buying it, that will count for me as a near-miss and I will become dogged about continuing to try. Fortunately, counter to gambling as an addiction, there is not much money I can lose due to my addiction to the exchange. I usually can’t even get to the stage where I can give them my money.

Because Sky Sports is a jerk, a few tickets did come up as I anticipated and I was able to snag one within two days of the date change. On the exchange, you can designate people in your friend group and it’s possible for me to buy a ticket and assign it to anyone in my group who is eligible, in this case, myself, my husband, or my son. My son usually can’t attend because he’s a tax accountant and the Spring is so busy, but he wanted to attend this one.

I always assign the first ticket I get to myself, then work on a ticket for my husband. I always jokingly say it’s because of the airline’s admonishment to “put your own mask on first before helping others.” In reality, it’s because getting to most matches is probably more important to me than it is to him. And getting to this match, the last home game of the season? That’s my value, not his. Still, he is happy to attend, likes to attend. So, as usual, I assigned that Burnley ticket to me.

And that was it. I was never able to get another ticket despite hours of trying across 2-3 weeks. And I saw so few, I had very little confidence one would turn up late. Neither my husband nor my son were able to find a ticket either.

My husband and son only wanted to come to London if they had a ticket for the match and only I had a ticket. At some point a decision had to be made. Do none of us go? Do I go alone?

I had a fair amount of guilt about being the only one with a ticket. I second-guessed my decision to always assign first to myself. And it didn’t feel quite right going without them. I’m the biggest Arsenal fan in my household but love of Arsenal is shared with my family. It’s a pleasure partly because it’s shared.

At the same time, it’s the last game of the season. In a season in which Arsenal really might win it all and really might be awarded that trophy that night. And even if that didn’t happen, would still be an important game.

My husband was pressing me to organize my flight before fares rose prohibitively. I sat with him on the same couch I normally stress out watching Arsenal and described why I was struggling to make a decision. My husband is a good listener and as we discussed my reasons for going or not going it became clear even to me I was not being logical. At all. I didn’t have good reasons to go or not go.

I put my headphones on, started listening to the Arseblog podcast, and went out to work in the garden. The podcast was about the West Ham match we had just won, barely, and with some late drama that almost saw us conceding a goal until it was ruled out (rightly, say all Arsenal fans) by VAR. A tie would have put a serious dent in our quest for the title.

At some point, even though I still didn’t have a logical explanation, I knew what I should do. I came back in the house and booked a flight.