WholeArsed Fixtures & Results

At some point it occurred to me I had no idea how many matches I’d been to so I sought the help of Claude to read through the blog and external source material to supply a list. Claude made it clear that this was a lot of work. While Claude worked, I looked at dumb videos on Instagram and sipped my coffee.

Naturally, after I told my husband what Claude had done for me he went into his files and produced a similar handwritten list. In comparing the lists, Claude had made one mistake and my husband had made one mistake. Human vs. AI: a draw. Coffee: always a win.

GameDateFixtureCompetitionResultScorePost
12012-12-29Arsenal vs Newcastle UnitedPremier LeagueWinArsenal 7-3N/A
22015-08-24Arsenal vs LiverpoolPremier LeagueTieArsenal 0–0An evening with my people
32015-10-24Arsenal vs EvertonPremier LeagueWinArsenal 2–1“He’s ‘ad a little too much to drink”
42015-12-21Arsenal vs Manchester CityPremier LeagueWinArsenal 2–1Laurent Koscielny, you’re an effing god
52016-02-14Arsenal vs Leicester CityPremier LeagueWinArsenal 2–1I heart Arsenal
62016-02-23Arsenal vs BarcelonaChampions League, R16 1st legLossArsenal 0–2An oyster’s touch
72016-03-13Arsenal vs WatfordFA Cup, QFLossArsenal 1–2Validation, frustration, salvation
82016-05-14Arsenal Women vs ChelseaFA Cup, FinalWinArsenal 1-032,912
92016-05-15Arsenal vs Aston VillaPremier LeagueWinArsenal 4–0Dogs win, cats eat bad lasagne, part 2
102016-09-10Arsenal vs SouthamptonPremier LeagueWinArsenal 2–1I could do that for half the price
112016-10-22Arsenal vs MiddlesbroughPremier LeagueTieArsenal 0–0When you don’t win, you need it
122016-04-02Arsenal vs. Manchester CityPremier LeagueTieArsenal 2-2Ozil, it’s time you made a name for yourself
132017-04-05Arsenal vs West Ham UnitedPremier LeagueWinArsenal 3–0I’m the luckiest girl in the world
142019-10-27Arsenal vs Crystal PalacePremier LeagueTieArsenal 2–2He’s sleeping on the couch now
152022-08-27Arsenal vs FulhamPremier LeagueWinArsenal 2–1So much optimism, it’s confusing
162022-08-31Arsenal vs Aston VillaPremier LeagueWinArsenal 2–1Slodgey victory over Villains
172022-10-01Arsenal vs Tottenham HotspurPremier LeagueWinArsenal 3–1At the end, Spurs went over to thank their fan
182023-05-28Arsenal vs WolvesPremier LeagueWinArsenal 5–0We’ve got Granit Xhaka
192023-09-03Arsenal vs Manchester UnitedPremier LeagueWinArsenal 3–1Believing in Beauty.
202023-12-02Arsenal vs WolvesPremier LeagueWinArsenal 2–1Beer run in the 23rd minute
212024-03-09Arsenal vs. BrentfordPremier LeagueWinArsenal 2-1N/A
222024-03-12Arsenal vs FC PortoChampions League, R16 2nd legWin1–0 (1–1 agg.) — won 4–2 on penaltiesSucker for redemption
232024-09-28Arsenal vs Leicester CityPremier LeagueWinArsenal 4–2I’ve signed this especially for you
242024-12-04Arsenal vs Manchester UnitedPremier LeagueWinArsenal 2–0Report this
252024-12-14Arsenal vs EvertonPremier LeagueTieArsenal 0–0Armoury represents
262025-01-12Arsenal vs Manchester UnitedFA Cup, 3rd roundLoss1–1 (a.e.t.) — Arsenal lost 3–5 on penaltiesN/A
272025-01-15Arsenal vs Tottenham HotspurPremier LeagueWinArsenal 2–1(En)chant(ed)
282025-01-18Arsenal vs Aston VillaPremier LeagueTieArsenal 2–2Concussed London
292025-02-22Arsenal vs West Ham UnitedPremier LeagueLossArsenal 0–1When you freely dish it out
302025-04-12Arsenal vs BrentfordPremier LeagueWinArsenal 1–1Partey like it’s your birthday
312025-08-23Arsenal vs Leeds UnitedPremier LeagueWinArsenal 5–0Special Aura
322025-09-13Arsenal vs Nottingham ForestPremier LeagueWinArsenal 3–0You’re getting sacked in the morning
332025-09-21Arsenal vs Manchester CityPremier LeagueTieArsenal 1–1I’m not a robot
342025-10-21Arsenal vs Atlético MadridChampions League (league phase)WinArsenal 4–0For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve had the same problem
352025-10-26Arsenal vs Crystal PalacePremier LeagueWinArsenal 1–0Secret maps
362026-02-03Arsenal vs ChelseaCarabao Cup semi-final, 2nd legWinArsenal 1–0 (won 4–2 on agg.)I use the em dash
372026-02-07Arsenal vs SunderlandPremier LeagueWinArsenal 3–0I use the em dash
382026-05-02Arsenal vs FulhamPremier LeagueWinArsenal 3–0I would have to be there
392026-05-18Arsenal vs BurnleyPremier LeagueWinArsenal 1–0Penultimate challenge

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